Remember that program called ‘The Never Ending Story’ we all watched as kids? Do you also remember the disappointment you felt when you first realized that the show was not actually ‘never ending’ and in fact had an end? Well this is sort of like that but reversed: toddler air travel is the never ending journey that you hope and pray actually does have an end, preferably before you run screaming down the aisles trying to fling yourself out a plane window.
Travelling from Pakistan to New York is no picnic at the best of times but add a hyperactive toddler to the mix and things can quickly go from bad to oh-my-God-kill-me-before-I-jab-this-crayon-into-my-eye territory.
Step One: Denial
Time to Destination: 20ish hrs
Mood: Forced optimism. People do it all the time, so it can’t be that bad, right?
Soundtrack: ‘Eye of the tiger’ by Survivor
Step Two: Reality Hits
Time to Destination: 17hrs
Mood: Rising panic as the toddler attempts to crawl over the back of my seat while a plane-full of people try to sleep. Why did I ever think this was a good idea?
Soundtrack: ‘Pins and needles’ by Blur
Step Three: Frustration
Time to Destination: 9hrs
Mood: Riddle me this: what happens first, a toddler tiring from running up and down airplane aisles and falling asleep or a harassed mommy seriously contemplating locking herself in the teeny tiny bathroom for the rest of the journey?
Soundtrack: ‘In the end’ by Linkin Park
Step Four: Acceptance
Time to Destination: 5hrs
Mood: This isn’t so bad actually..
Soundtrack: ‘Meet me halfway’ by Black Eyed Peas
Step Five: Disbelief
Time to Destination: 15mins
Mood: It’s over! It’s actually over! I’m never getting on a plane again till Lilly is at least 16!
Soundtrack: ‘I’m sexy and I know it’ by LMFAO